No Place like London

(Johnny Depp, Jamie Campbell Bower)

Antony:
I have sailed the world, beheld its wonders
From the Dardenells, to the mountains of Peru
But there's no place like London!

Sweeney:
No, there's no place like London.

Antony:
Mr. Todd?

Sweeney:
You are young. Life has been kind to you.
You will learn.

There's a hole in the world like a great black pit
and the vermin of the world inhabit it
and its morals aren't worth what a pig could spit
and it goes by the name of London.

At the top of the hole sit the privileged few
Making mock of the vermin in the lower zoo
turning beauty to filth and greed...

I too have sailed the world and seen its wonders,
for the cruelty of men is as wonderous as Peru
but there's no place like London!

Antony:
Is everything alright, Mr. Todd?

Sweeney:
I beg your indulgence, Anthony. My mind is far from easy. In these once-familiar streets...I feel shadows, everywhere.

There was a barber and his wife
and she was beautiful...
a foolish barber and his wife.
She was his reason for his life...
and she was beautiful, and she was virtuous
And he was naive.

There was another man who saw
that she was beautiful...
A pious vulture of the law
who, with a gesture of his claw
removed the barber from his plate!
Then there was nothing but to wait!
And she would fall!
So soft!
So young!
So lost and oh so beautiful!

Antony:
And the lady, sir? Did she succumb?

Sweeney:
Oh, that was many years ago.
I doubt if anyone would know...

I'd like to thank you Anthony. If you hadn't spotted me, I'd be lost on the ocean still.

Antony:
Will I see you again?

Sweeney:
You might find me if you like; around Fleet Street, I wouldn't wonder.

Antony:
Until then, my friend.

Sweeney:
There's a hole in the world like a great black pit
and it's filled with people who are filled with shit!
And the vermin of the world inhabit it...

The worst pies in London

(Helena Bonham-Carter)

MRS. LOVETT:
A customer!

Wait! What's your rush? What's your hurry?
You gave me such a -- Fright, I thought you was a ghost!
Half a minute, can'tcher sit! Sit you down, sit!
All I meant is that I haven't seen a customer for weeks!

Did you come here for a pie, sir?
Do forgive me if me head's a little vague--
(Ugh! What is that?) But you think we had the plague!
From the way that people, keep avoiding--
(No you don't!) Heaven knows I try, sir!
But there's no one comes in even to inhale!
Right you are, sir, would you like a drop of ale?

Mind you, I can't hardly blame them
These are probably the worst pies in London!
I know why nobody cares to take them,
I should know, I make them,
But good? No!
The worst pies in London,
Even that's polite!
The worst pies in London,
If you doubt it, take a bite!

Is that just disgusting?
You have to concede it!
It's nothing but crusting!
Here, drink this, you'll need it!
The worst pies in London...

And no wonder with the price of meat
What it is -- when you get it
Never -- Thought I'd live to see the day
Men'd think it was a treat
Findin' poor -- animals
Wot are dyin' in the street!

Mrs. Mooney has a pie shop!
Does her business but I notice something weird.
Lately all her neighbors' cats have disappeared!
Have to hand it to her --
Wot I calls, "enterprise"!
Poppin' pussies into pies!
Wouldn't do in my shop!
Just the thought of it's enough to make you sick!
And I'm tellin' you, them pussycats is quick...!

No denying times is hard, sir
Even harder than the worst pies in London!
Only lard and nothing more --
Is that just revolting,
All greasy and gritty?
It looks like it's molting,
And tastes like...
Well, pity

A woman alone,
With limited wind,
And the worst pies in London!

Ah, sir, times is hard,
Times is hard...!

Poor thing

(Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham-Carter)

Sweeney:
You got room over the shop, don't you? Times is so hard, why don't you rent it out?

Mrs. Lovett:
People think its haunted.

Sweeney:
...Haunted?

Mrs. Lovett:
Yeah. And who's to say they're wrong? You see, years ago, something happened up there. Something not very nice...

There was a barber and his wife
And he was beautiful
A proper artist with a knife
But they transported him for life
And he was beautiful...

Barker, his name was. Benjamin Barker.

Sweeney:
...What was his crime?

Mrs. Lovett:
Foolishness.

He had this wife, you see
Pretty little thing, silly little nit
Had her chance for the moon on a string
Poor thing! Poor thing...
There this judge, you see
Wanted her like mad
Everyday he'd send her a flower
But did she come down from her tower?
Sat up there and sobbed by the hour
Poor fool.
Ah but there was worse yet to come, poor thing...

The Beadle calls on her, all polite
Poor thing, poor thing
"The Judge," he tells her, "is all contrite, "He blames himself for her dreadful plight, "She MUST come come straight to his house tonight!" Poor thing, poor thing!

(Ball music)

Of course when she goes there, poor thing, poor thing!
They're having this ball all in masks
There's no one she knows there, poor dear, poor thing
She wanders tormented and DRINKS, poor thing!
'The Judge has repented,' she thinks, poor thing "Oh where is Judge Turpin?" she asks... ...He was there alright! Only NOT so contrite!

She wasn't no match for such craft, you see
And everyone thought it so droll!
They figured she had to be daft, you see
So all of them stood there and LAUGHED, you see
Poor soul! Poor thing!

Sweeney:
--NOOO!! Would NO ONE have mercy on her?!

Mrs. Lovett:
So it IS you! Benjamin Barker!

Sweeney:
NO! Not "Barker" -- That man is dead. It's "Todd" now, "Sweeney Todd." And he will have his revenge!

My friends

(Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham-Carter)

Sweeney:
These are my friends, see how they glisten?
See this one shine, how he smiles in the light,
My friends, my faithful friends...

Speak to me, friend; whisper, I'll listen.
I know, I know, you've been locked out of sight
All these years! Like me, my friend!
Well, I've come home -- to find you waiting!
Home, and we're together...
And we'll do wonders...
Won't we...?

Sweeney
(Mrs. Lovett)

You there, my friend,
(I'm your friend too, Mr. Todd.)
Come, let me hold you.
(If you only knew, Mr. Todd.)
Now, with a sigh,
(Ooh, Mr. Todd,)
You grow warm in my hand...
(You're warm in my hand...)
My friend,
(You've come home)
My clever friend...
(Always had a fondness for you, I did...)

Rest now, my friends.
(Never you fear, Mr. Todd.)
Soon I'll unfold you.
(You can move in here, Mr. Todd.)
Soon you'll know
-Splendors you never have dreamed all your days... (Splendors you never have dreamed all your days-)
(Will be yours!)
My lucky friends!
(I'm your friend-)
Till now your shine
(Now you're mine!)
(Don't they shine beautiful?)
Was merely silver.
(Silver's good enough for me,)

Friends,
(Mr. T...)
You shall drip rubies,
You'll soon drip precious...
Rubies...

Sweeney:
AT LAST, MY ARM IS COMPLETE AGAIN.

Green Finch and Linnet Bird

(Jayne Wisener)

Johanna:
Green finch and linnet bird, nightingale, blackbird,
How is it you sing?
How can you jubilate sitting in cages
never taking wing?

Outside the sky waits, beckoning! Beckoning!
Just beyond the bars...
How can you remain staring at the rain
maddened by the stars?
How is it you sing, anything?
How is it you sing?

(music) My cage has many rooms, damask and dark...
Nothing there sings, not even my lark.
Larks never will, you know, when they're captive.
Teach me to be more adaptive.
Ah...

Green finch and linnet bird, nightingale, blackbird,
teach me how to sing.
If I cannot fly...
Let me sing.

Alms alms

(Laura Michelle Kelly, Jamie Campbell Bower)

Beggar Woman:
Alms! Alms! For a miserable woman!
On a miserable chilly...morning...

Thank ya sir! Thank ya...

Antony:
Ma'am, can you tell me who's house this is?

Beggar Woman:
Ah--That's the great Judge Turpin's house, that is...

Antony:
...And the young lady who resides there?

Beggar Woman:
O-Oh that's Johanna...His pretty little ward...Keeps her snug, he does...All locked up...So don't you go trespassing THERE, or its a good whipping for ya -- or any other young men, with MISCHIEF on his mind--!

(Insert only in soundtrack) --How would you like a li'l MUFF, dear, a li'l JIG-JIG, a li'l BOUNCE AROUND THE BUSH--! Wouldn't you like to push me PARSLEY, it seems to ME, dear, that you got PLENTY THERE TO PUSH--!]

--Alms! Alms! For a DESPERATE woman...!

Johanna

(Jamie Campbell Bower)

Antony:
I feel you, Johanna
I feel you...

I was half convinced I'd waken,
Satisfied enough to dream you.
Happily I was mistaken,
Johanna....

I'll steal you, Johanna
I'll steal you...

Do they think that walls could hide you?
Even now, I'm at your window.
I am in the dark beside you...
Buried sweetly in your yellow hair!

I feel you, Johanna!
And one day I'll steal you!
Til I'm with you then,
I'm with you there!
Sweetly buried in your yellow hair...!

Pirelli's Miracle Elixir

(Edwards Sanders, Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham-Carter)

Toby:
Ladies and Gentlemen!
May I have your attention please?
Do you wake every morning in shame and despair
To discover your pillow is covered with hair...
What ought not to be there?

Well, ladies and gentlemen,
From now on you can waken at ease!
You need never again have a worry or care,
I will show you a miracle marvelous rare!
Gentlemen, you are about to see something what rose from the dead--!
...On the top of my head!

Twas Pirelli's Miracle Elixir
That's what did the trick, sir,
True, sir, true.
Was it quick, sir? Did it in a tick, sir!
Just like an elixir ought to do!

How about a bottle, mister?
Only costs a penny, guaranteed!

Does Pirelli's stimulate the growth, sir?
You can have my oath, sir, 'tis unique.
Rub a minute - stimulatin', in'it?
Soon you'll have to thin it once a week!

Sweeney:
Pardon me, ma'am, what's that awful stench?

Mrs. Lovett:
Are we standing near an open trench?

(Sweeney: Are we standing near an open trench?)
(Mrs. Lovett: Pardon me, sir, what's that awful stench?)

Toby:
Buy Pirelli's Miracle elixir
Anything wot's slick, sir,
Soon sprouts curls.
Try Pirelli's; when they see how thick, sir,
You can have your pick, sir, of the girls!

Toby: Wanna buy a bottle, missus?
Sweeney: What is this?
Mrs. Lovett: What is this?
Sweeney: Smells like piss...
Mrs. Lovett: Smells like "EW!"

Sweeney: Looks like piss...
(Mrs. Lovett: Wouldn't touch it if I were you, dear!) Sweeney: This is piss, piss with ink.

Toby:
Let Pirelli's activate your roots, sir--
Sweeney:
Keep it off your boots, sir! Eats right through!
Toby:
YES, get Pirelli's, use a bottle of it; ladies seem to love it--
Mrs. Lovett:
--Flies do to!

The Contest

(Sacha Baron Cohen, Johnny Depp, Timothy Spall)

Pirelli:
I~~~~! Am Adolfo Pirelli,
The King of da Barbers, da barber of kings-!
Eh, buongiorno, good day!
I blow you a kiss~!
--AND I~~~!!! The so-famous Pirelli, I wish-a to know-a
Who has-a da nerve-a to SAY--!
--My elixir is “PISS!?” WHO SAYS THIS.

Sweeney:
I do.
I’m Mr. Sweeney Todd, of Fleet Street. I have opened a bottle of Pirelli’s Elixir, and I say to you, that is nothing but an arrant fraud — concocted from piss and ink.

Furthermore, signor – I have serviced no kings, yet I’ll wager that I can shave a cheek with ten times more dexterity, than any street mountebank.

Pirelli:
You HEAR this foolish man. Now PLEASE, you will see, how he will-a REGRET-a HIS-a FOLLY!

Sweeney:
Who’s for a free shave?

(crowd cheers)

Sweeney:
…Will Beadle Bamford be the judge?

Beadle:
GLAD as ALWAYS to oblige my FRIENDS and NEIGHBOURS…

--The fastest, SMOOTHEST shave, is the WINNER!

(whistle blows)

Now, signorini, signori, we mix-a da lather
But first you gather around --
Signorini, signori, you looking a man
Who have had-a da glory to shave-a da Pope!
“Mister Sweeney-Whoever”, I beg-a your pardon You’ll probably say it was only a cardinal—NOPE!
It was-a da POPE!

To shave-a da face, to cut-a da hair
Require a grace, require da flair;
For if-a you slip, you nick da skin,
You clip-a da chin, you rip-a da lip, a bit
Beyond-a repair!

To shave-a da face, or even a part
Without da smart, require the HEART~~
Not just-a da FLASH; it take-a PANACHE
It take-a da passion for da art!

To shave-a da face, to trim-a da beard
To make-a da BRISTLE, clean like a WHISTLE
This is from early infancy, the talent give to ME~ by GOD…!

It take-a da skill! It take-a da BRAINS!
It take-a da WILL, to take-a da PAINS--!
It take-a da pace, it take-a da
GRA~~~~~~~~~~~~CE!!!!!

Beadle:
The winner, is Todd!

Wait

MRS. LOVETT:

Easy now,
Hush, love, hush,
Don't distress yourself,
What's your rush?
Keep your thoughts
Nice and lush,
Wait.

Hush, love, hush,
Think it through.
Once it bubbles, then
What's to do?
Watch it close.
Let it brew.
Wait.

I've been thinkin' flowers,
Maybe daisies,
To brighten up the room!
Don't you think some flowers,
Pretty daisies,
Might relieve the gloom?
Ah, wait,
Love, wait.

TODD: (spoken) And the judge? When will I get to him?

LOVETT:
Can't you think of nothin' else?
Always broodin' away on your wrongs
what happened heaven knows how many years ago!

Slow, love, slow.
Time's so fast.
Now goes quickly, see
Now it's past!
Soon will come,
Soon will last.
Wait.

Don't you know,
Silly man?
Half the fun is to
Plan the plan!
All good things
Come to those who can
Wait.

Gillyflowers, maybe,
'Stead of daisies...
I dunno though...
What do you think?

Ladies in Their Sensitivities

Judge (spoken)
Walk home with me, for I have news for you
In order to shield her from the evils of this world,
I have decided to marry Johanna next Monday.

Beadle (spoken)
Ah, sir happy news.

Judge (spoken)
Strange, when I offered myself to her, she showed a certain reluctance.

Beadle (sung)
Excuse me my lord
May I request my lord,
Permission my lord to speak?

Forgive me if I suggest my lord
You’re looking less than your best my lord,
There’s powder upon your vest my lord,
And stubble upon your cheek.

And ladies my lord
Are weak

Judge (spoken)
Perhaps if she greets me cordially upon my return I shall give her a small gift.

Beadle (sung)
Ladies in their sensitivities my lord,
Have a fragile sensibility.
When a girl’s emergent,
Probably it’s urgent,
You differ to her gentility, my lord.

Personal disorder cannot be ignored,
Given their gentile proclivities.
Meaning no offense,
It happens they resents it,
Ladies in their sensitivities my lord.

Judge (spoken)
Stubble you say?
Perhaps at times I am over hasty with my morning ablutions.

Beadle (sung)
Fret not though my lord,
I know a place my lord,
A barber my lord of skill.
Thus armed with a shaven face my lord,
Some eau de cologne to grace my lord,
And musk to enhance the chase my lord,
You’ll dazzle the girl until.

Judge (spoken)
Until??

Beadle (sung)
She bows to your every will

Judge (spoken)
Perhaps you may be right, take me to him.

Pretty Women

Sweeney Todd
What can I do for you today sir? Stylish trimming of the hair? Soothing skin massage. Sit sir. Sit.

Judge Turpin
You see sir a man infatued with love. Her ardent amd eager slave. So fetch the pomade and pumice stone
and lend me a more seductive tone
a sprinkling perhaps of French cologne but first sir I think a shave.

Sweeney Todd
The closest I ever gave
*whistles*

Judge Turpin
In a merry mood today Mr. Todd?

Sweeney Todd
Tis your delight sir catching fire from one man to the next.

Judge Turpin
Tis true sir love can still inspire the blood to pound the heartly pyre. What more

Sweeney Todd
What more?

Judge Turpin and Sweeney Todd
Can man require

Judge Turpin
Than love sir

Sweeney Todd
More than love sir

Judge Turpin
What sir?

Sweeney Todd
Women

Judge Turpin
Ah yes women

Sweeney Todd
Pretty women
Now then my friend.
Now to your purpose.
Patience. Enjoy it.
Revenge can’t be taken in haste.

Judge Turpin
Make haste and in this work you’ll be commended sir

Sweeney Todd
My lord…
And who may it be said is your intended sir?

Judge Turpin
My ward
Pretty as a rose bud

Sweeney Todd
Pretty as her mother?

Judge Turpin
Huh? What was that?

Sweeney Todd(spoken)
Nothing sir. Nothing.
(sung)
Pretty women
Fascinating...
Sipping coffee,
Dancing...
Pretty women
Are a wonder.
Pretty women!

Sitting in the window or
Standing on the stair
Something in them cheers the air.
Pretty women

Judge Turpin
Silhouetted...

Sweeney Todd
Stay within you,

Judge Turpin
Glancing...

Sweeney Todd
stay forever,

Judge Turpin
Breathing lightly...

Sweeney Todd
Pretty women,

Judge Turpin and Sweeney Todd(together and alternating)
Pretty women!

Blowing out their candles or
Combing out their hair,
Combing out their hair then they leave
Even when they leave you and vainish they somehow can still can remain there with you
Even when they leave
They still are there.
They're there
Ah! Pretty women,

Sweeney Todd
At their mirrors,

Judge Turpin
In their gardens,

Sweeney Todd
Letter-writing,

Judge Turpin
Flower-picking,

Sweeney Todd
Weather-watching.

Sweeney Todd and Judge Turpin
How they make a man sing!
Proof of heaven as you're living,
Pretty women! Sir, pretty women!
Yes pretty women,
Pretty women,
Pretty women,
Pretty women

Epiphany

I had him!
His throat was there beneath my hand.
No, I had him!
His throat was there and now he'll never come again.
Mrs. Lovett: Easy now, hush love hush
I keep telling you, Whats your rush?
Todd: When? Why did I wait?
You told me to wait -
Now he'll never come again.
There's a hole in the world like a great black pit
And it's filled with people who are filled with shit
And the vermin of the world inhabit it.
But not for long...

They all deserve to die.
Tell you why, Mrs. Lovett, tell you why.
Because in all of the whole human race
Mrs. Lovett, there are two kinds of men and only two
There's the one staying put in his proper place
And the one with his foot in the other one's face
Look at me, Mrs Lovett, look at you.

No, we all deserve to die
Tell you why, Mrs. Lovett, tell you why.
Because the lives of the wicked should be made brief
For the rest of us death will be a relief
We all deserve to die.

And I'll never see Johanna
No I'll never hug my girl to me - finished!
Alright! You sir, you sir, how about a shave?
Come and visit your good friend Sweeney.
You sir, too sir? Welcome to the grave.

I will have vengenance.
I will have salvation.
Who sir, you sir?
No ones in the chair, Come on! Come on!
Sweeney's. waiting. I want you bleeders.
You sir! Anybody!
Gentlemen now don't be shy!

Not one man, no, nor ten men.
Nor a hundred can assuage me.
I will have you!
And I will get him back even as he gloats
In the meantime I'll practice on less honorable throats.
And my Lucy lies in ashes
And I'll never see my girl again.

But the work waits!
I'm alive at last!
And I'm full of joy!

A little priest

MRS. LOVETT:
Seems a downright shame...
TODD: Shame?
LOVETT:
Seems an awful waste...
Such a nice, plump frame
Wot's 'is name has...
Had...
Has!
Nor it can't be traced...
Bus'ness needs a lift,
Debts to be erased...
Think of it as thrift,
As a gift,
If you get my drift!

No?

Seems an awful waste...
I mean, with the price of meat
What it is,
When you get it,
If you get it...

TODD: HAH!
LOVETT:
Good, you got it!

Take, for instance, Mrs. Mooney and her pie shop!
Bus'ness never better using only pussycats and toast!
And a pussy's good for maybe six or seven at the most!
And I'm sure they can't compare as far as taste!

[Simultaneously]

TODD:
Mrs. Lovett, what a charming notion
LOVETT:
Well, it does seem a waste...

TODD:
Eminently practical
And yet appropriate as always!
LOVETT:
It's an idea...

TODD:
Mrs. Lovett, how I've lived
Without you all these years, I'll never know!
How delectable!
Also undetectable!
LOVETT:
Think about it!
Lots of other gentlemen'll
Soon be comin' for a shave,
Won't they?
Think of
All them
Pies!

TODD:
How choice!

How
Rare!

TODD:
For what's the sound of the world out there?
LOVETT:
What, Mr. Todd?
What, Mr. Todd?
What is that sound?
TODD:
Those crunching noises pervading the air!
LOVETT:
Yes, Mr. Todd!
Yes, Mr. Todd!
Yes, all around!
TODD:
It's man devouring man, my dear!
BOTH:
And [LOVETT: Then] who are we to deny it in here?

TODD: (spoken) These are desperate times,
Mrs. Lovett, and desperate measures are called for!
LOVETT: Here we are, now! Hot out of the oven!
TODD: What is that?

LOVETT:
It's priest. Have a little priest.
TODD:
Is it really good?
LOVETT:
Sir, it's too good, at least!
Then again, they don't commit sins of the flesh,
So it's pretty fresh.
TODD:
Awful lot of fat.
LOVETT:
Only where it sat.
TODD:
Haven't you got poet, or something like that?
LOVETT:
No, y'see, the trouble with poet is
'Ow do you know it's deceased?
Try the priest!

TODD: (spoken) Heavenly!
Not as hearty as bishop, perhaps,
but then again, not as bland as curate, either!

LOVETT:
And good for business, too -- always leaves you wantin' more!
Trouble is, we only get it on Sundays!

Lawyer's rather nice.
TODD:
If it's for a price.
LOVETT:
Order something else, though, to follow,
Since no one should swallow it twice!
TODD:
Anything that's lean.
LOVETT:
Well, then, if you're British and loyal,
You might enjoy Royal Marine!
Anyway, it's clean.
Though of course, it tastes of wherever it's been!
TODD:
Is that squire,
On the fire?
LOVETT:
Mercy no, sir, look closer,
You'll notice it's grocer!
TODD:
Looks thicker,
More like vicar!
LOVETT:
No, it has to be grocer --
It's green!

TODD:
The history of the world, my love --
LOVETT:
Save a lot of graves,
Do a lot of relatives favors!
TODD:
Is those below serving those up above!
LOVETT:
Ev'rybody shaves,
So there should be plenty of flavors!
TODD:
How gratifying for once to know
BOTH:
That those above will serve those down below!

LOVETT: (spoken) Now let's see, here... We've got tinker.
TODD: Something... pinker.
LOVETT: Tailor?
TODD: Paler.
LOVETT: Butler?
TODD: Subtler.
LOVETT: Potter?
TODD: Hotter.
LOVETT: Locksmith?

Lovely bit of clerk.
TODD:
Maybe for a lark.
LOVETT:
Then again there's sweep
If you want it cheap
And you like it dark!
Try the financier,
Peak of his career!
TODD:
That looks pretty rank.
LOVETT:
Well, he drank,
It's a bank
Cashier.
Never really sold.
Maybe it was old.
TODD:
Have you any Beadle?
LOVETT:
Next week, so I'm told!
Beadle isn't bad till you smell it and
Notice 'ow well it's been greased...
Stick to priest!

(spoken) Now then, this might be a little bit stringy,
but then of course it's... fiddle player!
TODD: No, this isn't fiddle player -- it's piccolo player!
LOVETT: 'Ow can you tell?
TODD: It's piping hot!
LOVETT: Then blow on it first!

TODD:
The history of the world, my sweet --
LOVETT:
Oh, Mr. Todd,
Ooh, Mr. Todd,
What does it tell?
TODD:
Is who gets eaten, and who gets to eat!
LOVETT:
And, Mr. Todd,
Too, Mr. Todd,
Who gets to sell!
TODD:
But fortunately, it's also clear
BOTH:
That [L: But] ev'rybody goes down well with beer!

LOVETT: (spoken)
Since marine doesn't appeal to you, 'ow about... rear admiral?
TODD: Too salty. I prefer general.
LOVETT: With, or without his privates? "With" is extra.

TODD: What is that?
LOVETT:
It's fop.
Finest in the shop.
And we have some shepherd's pie peppered
With actual shepherd on top!
And I've just begun --
Here's the politician, so oily
It's served with a doily,
Have one!
TODD:
Put it on a bun.
Well, you never know if it's going to run!
LOVETT:
Try the friar,
Fried, it's drier!
TODD:
No, the clergy is really
Too coarse and too mealy!
LOVETT:
Then actor,
That's compacter!
TODD:
Yes, and always arrives overdone!
I'll come again when you have JUDGE on the menu!

LOVETT: (spoken) Wait! True, we don't have judge yet,
but we've got something you might fancy even better.
TODD: What's that?
LOVETT: Executioner!

TODD:
Have charity towards the world, my pet!
LOVETT:
Yes, yes, I know, my love!
TODD:
We'll take the customers that we can get!
LOVETT:
High-born and low, my love!
TODD:
We'll not discriminate great from small!
No, we'll serve anyone,
Meaning anyone,
BOTH:
And to anyone
At all!

Johanna (reprise)

I feel you, Johanna
I feel you
Do they think that walls can hide you?
Even now I'm at your window
I am in the dark beside you
buried sweetly in your yellow hair,
Johanna

And are you beautiful and pale, with yellow hair, like her?
I'd want you beautiful and pale, the way I've dreamed you were,
Johanna
And if you're beautiful what then with yellow hair, like wheat
I think we shall not meet again my little dove, my sweet
Johanna

I'll steal you, Johanna

Goodbye, Johanna
You're gone, and yet you're mine
I'm fine, Johanna, I'm fine

Smoke! Smoke! Sign of the devil, sign of the devil, set it on fire
Witch! Witch! Smell it sir, an evil smell, every night at the Vespers' bell, smoke that comes from the mouth of hell,
set it on fire
MIschief, mischief! Mischief!

And if I never hear your voice, my turtle-dove, my dear
I still have reason to rejoice the way your head is clear
Johanna

I feel you,
And in that darkeness when I'm blind with what I can't forget
Johanna
It's always morning in my mind, my little lamb, my pet
Johanna

You stay, Johanna
Johanna
The way I dreamed you were
Oh look, Johanna, a star
Buried sweetly in your yellow hair
A shooting star

There, there! Somebody somebody, look up there, didn't I tell you, smell that air, set it on fire
Quick, Sir, run and tell! Go on 'a Mole little ratchet spell, there it is, there it is, the ungodly smell, tell it to the
fiddle and police as well, tell 'em, tell 'em, help, fiend!
set it on fire
set it on fire
Mischief, mischief!

And though I'll think of you I guess, until the day I die,
I think I miss you less and less as every day goes by
Johanna

And you'd be beautiful and pale and look too much like her
If only angels could prevail we'd be the way we were
Johanna
I feel you, Johanna
Wake up, Johanna!
Unnerve the bright red day
We learn Johanna, to say
Goodbye

I'll steal you

God, that's good!

[Toby]
Ladies and gentlemen
May I have your attention,please?
Are your nostrils aquiver and tingling as well as that delicate, lushious, ambrosial smell?
yes,they are,I can tell
Well,ladies and gentlemen
that aroma enriching the breeze,
is like something compared to its succulent source
as the gourmets among you will tell you,of course.
Ladies and gentlemen you can't imagine the rapture in store,
just inside of this door!
There,you'll sample Mrs.Lovett's meat pies.savory and sweet pies,as you'll see.
You who eat pies Mrs. Lovetts meat pies conjure up the treat pies used to be!
[Customers]
Over here,boy.How about some ale?

Let me have another,laddie!

Could we have some service,waiter?

could we have some service?

What About that pie boy?
[Toby]
Ladies and gentlemen-
[Lovett]
Toby!
[Toby]
Coming,excuse me
[Lovett]
Ale there!
[Toby]
Right,Ma'am!
[Lovett]
Quick,Now!
[Customers]
God Thats Good!
[Lovett]
Nice to see you,dearie.how have you been keeping?Cor,me bones is weary!
Toby!One for the gentlemen.
Hear the birdies cheeping
Helps to keep it cheery
Toby!Throw the old woman out!!
[Customers]
God,Thats good!
[Lovett]
What's your pleasure,dearie?
No,we don't cut slices.
Cor,me eyes is bleary!
Toby!none for the gentlemen!
I could up me prices.I'm a little leery.
Business couldn't be better,though.
[Customers]
God Thats Good!
[Lovett]
knock on wood
[Sweeney Todd]
Psst!
[Lovett]
Excuse me
[Sweeney Todd]
Psst!
[Lovett]
Dear,See to the customers.
[Sweeney Todd]
Psst!
[Lovett]
Yes,What,Love?Quick,though,the trade is brisk.
[Sweeney Todd]
But it's six 'o' clock
[Lovett]
So it's six 'o' clock?
[Sweeney Todd]
it was due to avrive at a quarter and it's six 'o' clock!
[Lovett]
...And it's probably already down the block!It'll be here!It'll be here!
[Sweeney Todd]
I've been Waiting all day!
It should have here by now!
[Customers]
More hot Pies!
[Lovett]
Will you wait there coolly?
[Sweeney Todd]
You'll come back when it comes?
[Lovett]
....'Cause my customers truly,are getting unruly and-- What's your pleasure,dearie?
whoops!I beg Your Pardon!
just me hands is smeary.
Toby!Run for the gentlemen!
Don't You love the garden?Always makes me teary.Must be one of them foreiners.
[Customers]
God,That's good,That is delicious!
[Lovett]
What's my secret?Frankly,dear,forgive my Candor.Family Secret,All to do with herbs.
Things like being careful with your coriander.Thats what makes the gravy grander.
[Customers]
More hot pies!more hot!more pies!
[Sweeney Todd]
Psst!
[Lovett]
excuse me.
[Sweeney Todd]
Psst!
[Lovett]
Dear,see to the customers.
[Sweeney Todd]
Psst!
[Lovett]
Yes,what,love?Quick,though,the trade is brisk.
[Sweeney Todd]
It's here!
[Lovett]
It's where?
[Sweeney Todd]
Coming up the stair.
[Lovett]
I'll get rid of this lot as they're still pretty hot and then I'll be there!
[Sweeney Todd]
It's about to be opened or don't you care?
[Lovett]
I'll be there!I'll be there! but They'll never be sold if they get cold.
[Sweeney Todd]
But we have to prepare!
[Lovett]
Incidentally,dearie.You know Mrs.Mooney.Salles have been so dreary
Toby!Poor thing is penniless.What about that loony.lookin' sort of beery.
Oh Well,got her come-uppance and that'll be
thruppence
[Customers]
.God,Thats good.that is "de". have you "licious" ever tasted smell such
Oh my god what more,that's pies good!
[Sweeney Todd/Lovett]
Oo-oo-oo.Oo-oo-oo.
Is that a chair fit for a king?A wonderous,neat,and most particular chair?
[Lovett]
It's gorgeous!It's Gorgeous!
[Sweeney Todd]
You tell me where is there a seat can half compare with this Particular thing!
[Lovett]
It's Perfect!It's Gorgeous!
[Sweeney Todd]
I have a few minor adjustments to make.
[Lovett]
You make your few minor adjustments.
[Sweeney Todd]
they'll take a moment I'll call you.
[Lovett]
You take your time I'll go see to the Customers.
[Sweeney Todd]
I have Another Friend!
[Toby]
Is that a pie fit for a king?such wonderous Sweet and most particular thing?
[Lovett]
Its gorgeous!It's Gorgeous!
[Toby]
You see,Ma'am,why there is no meat pie can compeat with delectable pie.
[Lovett]
Its Perfect!It's Gorgeous!
[Toby]
The crust all velvety and wavy.
[Lovett]
The crust all velvety and wavy.
[Toby]
That Glaze,Those Crimps.
[Lovett]
That Glaze,Those Crimps
[Toby]
.And then the Thick,Succulent gravy..
[Lovett]
And then the Thick,Succulent gravy.
[Sweeney Todd]
And Now to test...This best Of Barber chairs.
[Toby]
One whiff,One glimpse.
[Lovett]
So rich,so thick,it makes you sick.
[Toby]
so tender that you surrender
[Sweeney Todd]
Psst!
[Lovett]
Excuse me
[Sweeney Todd]
Psst!
[Lovett]
Dear see to the customers
[Sweeney Todd]
Psst!
[Lovett]
All set love?
[Sweeney Todd]
Quick now!
[Lovett]
Me hearts a flutter!
[Sweeney Todd]
When I pound the floor....
[Lovett]
....When you pound the floor...
[Sweeney Todd]
...its the signal to show that i'm ready to go
[Lovett]
yes,you told me before.You'll be ready to go when you pound the floor.
will you trust me?!will you trust me?!
[Sweeney Todd]
I just want to be sure.When I'm certain your in place i'll pound three times.
Three times.And then You....?
[Lovett] *Clang!Clang!*
Three Times!
[Lovett] *Clang!Clang!Clang!*
If You-!
[Lovett] *Clang!Clang!Clang!*
Exactly!
[Customers]
More hot pies!
[Lovett]
God!
[Customers]
More hot more pies!
[Lovett]
Right!
[Customers]
More!
[Lovett]
Wait!!!
[Lovett] *ClangClangClang*
[Sweeney Todd] *ClangClangClang*
[Customers]
More hot pies!
More hot more pies!
More Hot Pies!!
[Lovett/*Toby]
eat them slow and feel the crust how thin
I/*she rolled it.eat them slow 'cause every one's a prize.eat them slow 'cause
thats the lot and now we sold it.come again tomorow!
[Lovett]
Hold It!
[Customers]
More hot pies!
[Lovett]
bless my eyes!
Fresh Supplies!

How about it,dearie?
[Toby]
is that a pie fit for a king...
[Lovett]
be here in a twinkling!
[Toby]
A wonderous Sweet...
[Lovett]
Just confirms my theory
[Toby]
...and Most delectable thing?
[Lovett]
Toby!God watches over us.Didn't have an inkling.Positivly eerie.
[Toby]
you see why there's no meat pie--
[Lovett]
Toby!Throw the old woman out!
[Customers]
God thats good.that is "de".
have you "licious" ever tasted smell such Oh my god what more,that's pies good!

By the sea

MRS. LOVETT:

(she kisses Todd)
Ooh, Mr. Todd! (kiss)
I'm so happy! (kiss)
I could (kiss)
Eat you up, I really could!
You know what I'd like to do, Mr. Todd? (kiss)
What I dream (kiss)
If the business stays as good?
Where I'd really like to go,
In a year or so?
Don't you want to know?

TODD: (spoken) Yes, yes, of course.

LOVETT: Do you really want to know?

TODD: (spoken) Yes, I do, I do.

LOVETT: (spoken) I've always had this dream...
Ever since I was a skinny little slip of a thing and my rich Aunt
Nettie used to take me down to the seaside August Bank Holiday...
The pier... Makin' little castles in the sand...
Ooh, I can still feel me toes wigglin' around in the briney!

By the sea, Mr. Todd, that's the life I covet,
By the sea, Mr. Todd, ooh, I know you'd love it!
You and me, Mr. T, we could be alone
In a house wot we'd almost own,
Down by the sea!
Wouldn't that be smashing?

TODD: Anything you say...

LOVETT:
With the sea at our gate, we'll have kippered herring
Wot have swum to us straight from the Straits of Bering!
Ev'ry night, in the kip, when we're through our kippers,
I'll be there slippin' off your slippers!
By the sea,
With the fishies splashing!
By the sea!
Wouldn't that be smashing?

TODD: Anything you say, anything you say...

LOVETT:
I can hear us wakin,'
The breakers breakin,'
The seagulls squawkin,'
'Hoo, hoo!'
I do me bakin,'
Then I go walkin'
With you-hoo!
Yoo-hoo!
I'll warm me bones on the esplanade,
Have tea and scones with me gay young blade,
Then I'll knit a sweater
While you write a letter
Unless we've got better to do-hoo!

TODD: Anything you say...

LOVETT:
Think how snug it'll be underneath our flannel
When it's just you and me and the English Channel!
In our cozy retreat kept all neat and tidy,
We'll have chums over ev'ry Friday!
By the sea!
Don'tcha love the weather?
By the sea!
We'll grow old together!
By the seaside,
Hoo, hoo!
By the beautiful sea!

(spoken)
Oh, I can see us now, in our bathing dresses!
You in a nice, rich navy, and me... stripes, perhaps.

It'll be so quiet,
That who'll come by it,
Except a seagull
Hoo, hoo!
We shouldn't try it,
Though, 'til it's legal for two-hoo!
But a seaside wedding could be devised,
Me rumpled bedding legitimized!
Me eyelids'll flutter,
I'll turn into butter,
The moment I mutter I do-hoo!

By the sea, in our nest, we could share our kippers
With the odd payin' guest from the weekend trippers,
Have a nice sunny suite for the guest to rest in,
Now and then, you could do the guest in!
By the sea,
Married nice and proper!
By the sea,
Bring along your chopper!
To the seaside,
Hoo, hoo!
By the beautiful sea!

Not While I'm around

Nothing's gonna harm you, not while I'm around.
Nothing's gonna harm you, no sir, not while I'm around.

Demons are prowling everywhere, nowadays,
I'll send 'em howling,
I don't care, I got ways.

No one's gonna hurt you,
No one's gonna dare.
Others can desert you,
Not to worry, whistle, I'll be there.

Demons'll charm you with a smile, for a while,
But in time...
Nothing can harm you
Not while I'm around...

Not to worry, not to worry
I may not be smart but I ain't dumb
I can do it, put me to it
Show me something I can overcome
Not to worry, Mum

Being close and being clever
Ain't like being true
I don't need to,
I would never hide a thing from you,
Like some...

No one's gonna hurt you, no one's gonna dare
Others can desert you,
Not to worry, whistle, I'll be there!
Demons'll charm you with a smile, for a while
But in time...
Nothing can harm you
Not while I'm around...

Final scene

Mrs. Lovett:
Toby, where are you, love

(spoken)
where is he?

nothing's gonna harm you, not while I'm around

Sweeney Todd:
(spoken)
Toby, Toby

Mrs. Lovett:
nothing's gonna harm you, darling, not while I'm around

Sweeney Todd:
(spoken)
Toby?

Anthony:
(spoken)
Mr Todd! (to Johanna) you wait for him here. I'll return with the coach in less than half an hour. don't worry. no one will
recognize you. you're safe now.

Johanna:
(spoken)
safe? so we run away and then all our dreams come true?

Anthony:
(spoken)
I hope so

Johanna:
(spoken)
I've never had dreams... only nightmares

Anthony:
(spoken)
Johanna, when we're free of this place all the ghosts will go away.

Johanna:
(spoken)
No, Anthony, they never go away.

Anthony:
(spoken)
I'll be right back to you. half an hour and we'll be free!

Beggar Woman:
Beadle, Beadle,
no good hiding i saw you.
are you in there still, beadle,
beadle, beadle, dear beadle
beadle deedle deedle
deedle deedle dumpling
beadle dumpling
ba deedle deedle deedle
deedle deedle deedle deedle
deedle deedle deedle deedle
deedle deedle

Sweeney Todd:
(spoken)
who are you? What are you doing here?

Beggar Woman:
(spoken)
Evil it is, Sir. the stink of evil from below! From her! she's the devil's wife! beware of her sir. She, with no pity in her
heart!
(sung)
hey, don't i know you mister?

Judge Turpin:
(spoken)
Mr. Todd?
where is she?

Sweeney Todd:
(spoken)
below, your honor, with my neighbor. Thank heavens the sailor did not molest her. thank heavens too, she has seen the error
of her ways.

Judge Turpin:
(spoken)
she has?

Sweeney Todd:
(spoken)
oh, yes, your lesson was well learned. she speaks only of you, longing for forgiveness.

Judge Turpin:
(spoken)
then she shall have it!
she'll be here soon, you say?

Sweeney Todd:
(spoken)
yes!

Judge Turpin:
(spoken)
Excellent, my friend!

Sweeney Todd:
(spoken)
how bout a shave?
sit, sir, sit!

Judge Turpin:
Oh, Pretty Women

Sweeney Todd:
Pretty Women, Yes!

Judge Turpin:
Johanna, Johanna.

Sweeney Todd:
pretty women, pretty women are a wonder. pretty women!

Todd: Turpin:
Pretty Women what would we do
for women

Turpin&Todd:
blowing out their candles
or combing out their hair

Judge Turpin:
then they leave

Todd: Turpin:
even when they even when they
leave they still leave you and
are there, there vanish they
there somehow can still
remain there with
you there

Judge Turpin:
(spoken)
how seldom it is one meets a fellow spirit

Sweeney Todd:
(spoken)
with fellow taste... in women at least

Judge Turpin:
(spoken)
what's that?

Sweeney Todd:
(spoken)
the years no doubt have changed me, sir, but now i suppose the face of a barber the face of a prisoner in the dark is not
particularly memorable.

Judge Turpin:
(spoken)
Benjamin Barker!

Sweeney Todd:
(spoken)
BENJAMIN BARKER!
(sung)
rest now my friend
rest now forever
sleep now the untroubled
sleep of the angels

(spoken)
"don't i know you", she said... you knew she lived.

Mrs. Lovett:
(spoken)
i was only thinking of you

Sweeney Todd:
(spoken)
you lied to me

Mrs. Lovett:
no, no, not lied at all
no i never lied

Todd: Lovett:
Lucy, said she took a
poison, she did,
i've never said that she
died! poor thing,
come she lived, but it
left her weak in the
home head all she did for
months was just lie
again there in bed. should
have been in
Lucy! hospital, wound up
in bedlam instead
oh my poor thing, better
you should think she
God was dead, yes i lied
cause i love you.
Lucy I'd be twice the
wife she was i
what love you. could that
thing have cared for
have I you, like me?
done?

Sweeney Todd:
Mrs. Lovett, you're a bloody wonder, eminently practical and yet appropriate as always. as you've said repeatedly there's
little point in dwelling on the past

Todd: Lovett:
now come here do you mean it?
my love everything I did
nothing I swear I thought
to fear was only for the
my love best. belive me!
what's dead Can we still be
is dead married?

Sweeney Todd:
the history of the world, my pet

Mrs. Lovett:
Oh, Mr. Todd
Oh, Mr. Todd
leave it to me!

Sweeney Todd:
is learn forgiveness
and try to forget

Mrs. Lovett:
by the sea, Mr. Todd
we'll be comfy, cozy
by the sea Mr. Todd
where there's no one nosy

Sweeney Todd:
life is for the alive, my dear
so let's keep living it

Todd&Lovett
just keep living it
Really Living it

Mrs. Lovett:
(screams)
AHHHH AHHHHH AAHHHHHHHH AHHH AHH AH AH

Sweeney Todd:
there was a barber and his wife
and she was beautiful
a foolish barber and his wife
she was his reason and his life
and she was beautiful
and she was virtuous
and he was--